@BatBatshitcrazy: After the "incident" at the family cabin, my Indian name is Bounces Off Deck.
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@CantWaitToNap: Against the wall, on the floor and bent over the couch are my favorite places to stretch.
@tkhan74: I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.
@david8hughes: [sees kid crying in the mall] "What's wrong?" "I'm lost." "You're in the mall you little idiot."
@canadasandra: if he likes you he will let you know. if he wants to talk to you, he'll text. do nothing. you're a beautiful object. pretend you're a tree