@amselts: After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance "The Human" by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet
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@KenJennings: I can't believe "still uses Winamp" is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.
@trentistweeting: [playing limbo at Gary's house] GARY: how low can you go? *i sleep with Gary's wife* GARY: wow, that is pretty low
@LaziestCanine: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME
@iRowlf: Air Bud trembles in fear after the opposing team drapes a basketball jersey over a vacuum cleaner and puts it on their starting lineup.