@ImaFlyontheWall: After they got married she even put his truck nuts in a jar.
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@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, "Sounds like somebody needed a friend"
@seandunn76: Me: Kensington, fetch me my robe. K: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler. Me: Hold me, Kensington.