@RogueGod: After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t.
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@jergarl: Me: IT'S TIME TO SETTLE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT 8yo:*starts playing accordion M: Where did you even get that? 8:*making eye contact* No idea.
@somecleverthing: Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one.
@xysist: Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam's ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
@vexroid: I was voted "most friendly" at my high school in 10th grade. It was at this point in my life that I knew serious changes were in order.