@Jazzzzzmina: After watching Honey Boo Boo, I realize America has much bigger problems than the national debt.
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@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@AndyAsAdjective: Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
@3sunzzz: Airport security doesn't let you through with a wine opener, apparently. Even if you tell them, "It's okay, I'm just a harmless alcoholic."
@MarfSalvador: Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?