@Halbeerz: After what happened to Lance Armstrong I'm kinda worried they are gonna come after my bowling trophies
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@edfoxcomedy: "Doctor: Put the IV in. Nurse: The 4 what?" - chronic problem in Roman emergency rooms
@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."