@junejuly12: After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
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@garrettbarry70: Super excited about staying at my daughter's place so I can eat her cereal and leave the empty box in her cupboard.
@Sassafrantz: Sorry I unfriended you after seeing your Facebook "Year In Review" but it was bad enough the first time.
@FavoritesYou: Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key.
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: You're out of shrimp. HOST: That was fast. I'll get more. BF: Where are your manners? ME: Under the heap of shrimp in my purse.