@ValeeGrrl: After years of marriage & kids I have no idea how I'd handle a 1st date. Just give him a juice box, crackers & an iPad? Do I bring coupons?
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@hazelmotes1: Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl.
@EliTerry: Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life.
@chinchillasaur: [graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great