@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I'm afraid-" *Wife crying* "I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now." *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*
@ibid78: After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes.
@jjhartinger: *i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm.
@RobDenBleyker: I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked.