@That_Damn_Duck: Instead of saying you lost your eyesight due to an explosion while you were making meth, just tell people that you were blinded by science.

@TribalSpaceCat: Once I saved 10 kittens from a burning building and yes all the people died but look how cute they are

@Stalker_Clown: I'm not looking for a TC, I'm looking for someone with a woodchipper who doesn't ask questions.

@SteveSuckington: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren't doing anything M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?

@jaggings: Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.