@jon_albo: Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don't worry, they're just numbers.
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@realHamOnWry: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
@onion_an: 1st date: I love the spiderman movies Me: So do I [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: I used to be a spider