@jon_albo: Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don't worry, they're just numbers.
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@ilovepie84: I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires.
@ShortWhiteNUgly: An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store because his mom wouldn't buy him a Mars bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him.
@NASHterpiece: I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.