@jon_albo: Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don't worry, they're just numbers.
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@silvertongue37: My ex wife recently told me I run away from my problems. Apparently not far enough.
@CodyJP9412: [creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very
@CornOnTheGoblin: "Did you remember to take the dog out?" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS