@brianbowman73: *aggressively skips to my Lou*
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?
@DancesWithTamis: In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz
@suntzufuntzu: Woman on the phone congratulates you for winning "Unknowing Android of the Year." "I'm not an android!" you protest. "Marvelous," she gushes
@JasonBerlin: You're never gonna believe this, but I feel negatively about the day of the week when I have to stop relaxing and resume working.