@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth
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@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]
@itrevormoore: I hate when ppl at the grocery store get mad at you for "stealing" their cart of food. YOU DON'T OWN THIS STUFF YET!!!!!!
@Flossieraptor: Bella is the most misunderstood girl in fiction. She games Edward for immortality, starts a vampire war&secures a wolf servant for her baby.
@fightforfood: The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die