@bridger_w: "Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation
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@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..
@astutenewf: My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark.
@theclinestborle: Hey, hot girl at the bar who gave me a radio station’s phone number instead of hers : the jokes on you, I just won Oilers tickets and a Bud Light poncho