@shutupmikeginn: Ah yes keep complaining the guy at 7/11 doesn't speak English well enough, like you aren't the moron who needs help in a convenience store
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@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.
@Sickayduh: DAD: What happened to your car? SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
@novicefather: I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand. I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight.