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@StarksWeek: *Aims for the moon*
@CheetoBandito77: According to MyFitnessPal, I have been dead for 6 weeks.
@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents:
3) How's the business?
2) Do you have a girlfriend?
1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?
@OtherDanOBrien: *hot girl puts a cherry stem in her mouth*
*twists it around with her tongue*
*pulls it out*
*it spells "I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND"*
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
@PabloGSerski: The secret of a long marriage is accepting the utter euphoria you would feel from strangling your spouse to death isn't worth life in jail.