@astutenewf: Ain't no sandwich when she's gone.
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@owlcity: If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive.
@Tmoney68: Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they're tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they're drunk. Denial & anger will follow.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: *points to 2-year-old* Her shoes are on the wrong feet. Me: That's what happens when she puts them on herself. Wife: I watched you dress her.