@Surhailo: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
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@SteveSuckington: The average person eats 8 spiders a year *eating 2nd bowl of spiders* "WHO'S AVERAGE NOW DAD?"
@TheHyyyype: [first day as a detective] ME: omg nothing but his skeleton is left! OTHER DETECTIVE: this is a halloween store. the dead guy's over there
@beliz69: Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, "Yes, honey I do."