@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes.
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@Adar79Angie: I'm Italian, but I'm not "save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi" Italian.
@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?
@Crutnacker: BIDEN: That went well. OBAMA: Did you have to say you loved Trump's sons in Twilight? BIDEN: It's what I do.
@causticbob: My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles.