@SadMeterologist: Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_ISpeakTrue: Guys aren't the only one who get friendzoned! I'm so deep in the friendzone that I've met his girlfriends parents
@SteveSuckington: "Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club." -Actually this is Oxymoron Club. "Ok, same difference." *looks at group* -Oh, this guy is good.
@PaperWash: angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla
@jordan_stratton: [Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants.