@SadMeterologist: Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair.
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@AimeeHelene1: Oh good, a gift card to Arby's. *waits for their birthday* Them: Thanks Aimee for the... *opens box* (cat hair pasted to paper & framed)
@NicestHippo: BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go
@blade_funner: *slips $5 to the mortician* Me: How about - stop screaming - how about you give me another 10 minutes, this is a great place to nap.