@SadMeterologist: Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair.
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@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: Did you take Mike's stapler and leave a note demanding that he meet you for drinks later? Me: WHAT!?! Noooo....wait, did he say yes?
@internetluke: [talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man
@joanofdarkness: I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like "omg do u think he likes me???"