@WookieOnUnicorn: Alan Rickman lost in the woods, leaving a trail of perfectly pronounced words
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@abhorrent_wife: Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.
@AndrewChamings: PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little. KID: Okay. PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust.
@AnniemuMary: Met a dog named Donut. I don't need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.