@capricecrane: Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. And nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it.
@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !
@thats_a_morey: I'd like the chicken-fried steak, please." Uh lemme get back to you *runs to kitchen* YO WE GOT ANY CHICKENS THAT KNOW HOW TO FRY A STEAK
@bridger_w: This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.