@SadHappyAmazing: Albert Einstein looking fabulous.
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@jazmasta: "I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets" "Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"
@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
@AndySandford: Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?
@SirEvisiae: EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! "What's that?" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. "Aren't you supposed to use the other half?" ...shit.