@robwhisman: SHIT. NO. GODDAMMIT

@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like? Me: What was what like? 10: Being alive in the 1900's? Me: Go to your room.

@thetits: [Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*

@SamGrittner: I don't throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday's once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it

@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle