@donjuantip: ALCOHOL. Because no good story ever began with, "So, I was sitting there eating this salad..."
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@J_Dazzle76: Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I'd prob eat it.
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@oldmanweldon: I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself.
@mlinhart: Dear fork, I just wanted to inform you that you have a son. His name is Spork. Love always, Spoon PS: he has your hair.