@3_livi: Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
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@Adar79Angie: "You can't build your own man." They told me. But they underestimate my low standards. And my shopping cart full of luncheon meats.
@TheCatWhisprer: [at home on video conference call] Yeah boss I don't know why I keep dropping. Maybe my connection is bad. *pauses Netflix on 2nd monitor*
@mellimelle: The older I get, the more I realize nobody is better than I am. Except people with statues of lions outside their house. They rule.
@Home_Halfway: WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.