@3_livi: Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
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@big_mick_carter: Chinese takeaway - £17 Delivery charge - £1 Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers - Riceless
@NicCageMatch: My dog is starting a food blog where she writes about the delicious flavors of the various paper napkins she finds and eats.
@TheRobCee: "I need a car. What do you have?" "Well, we have a Subaru Outback" "But what kind of Subaru?" "Outback" "I don't CARE where you keep it..."
@carlyken: I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor at all times so when I have unexpected company I can say I was just about to clean my house.