@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
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@misfarber: I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about
@WheelTod: [Wedding Open Bar in my 20s] Woohoo! Imma get sooo wasted!! [Wedding Open Bar in my 40s] Woohoo! Imma save maybe $11!
@samuelhlowe: If your name is spelled Duhniayle, don't hate me when I mispronounce it. Hate your parents & their ridiculous spelling decisions.
@Dawn_M_: Age 10: I'm going to be a rockstar Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me