@whatdreamsmaygo: alcohol has an odd way of revealing who we really are. turns out, I'm batman.
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@AGStr8upNinja: It's not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER. It's the quality of followers.
@SemFitty: Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car.
@Gre_Gone: [Ad shows dude getting out of bed before noon on the weekend] *professional stuntman do not attempt*
@MisterBombay: Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like "How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?" Now, I tweet them