@web_supergirl: Alcohol is claiming me as a dependent on his taxes this year.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Book_Krazy: I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can't even see their reflection
@WildeThingy: [re-enacting the lift scene from Dirty Dancing] "come to me baby, and jump, and oops... You landed in my mouth again! You silly gummy bear."
@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.