@web_supergirl: Alcohol is claiming me as a dependent on his taxes this year.
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@GhostPanther: If I say "last Star Wars" and u say "Actually you mean 3rd Star Wars! It's a prequel!" I'm going to hit u with a fish tank.
@novicefather: I played dead in the living room to see how my 2yo would respond. He climbed on my "corpse" for 5 minutes then turned on the tv.
@rickygervais: Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need.