@GingerGander: "Alcohol is just water with feelings in it," said the girl who failed chemistry.
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@treywafer: Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy.
@LuvPug: But seriously- how do Superheroes even go to the bathroom? I mean, look at their costumes.
@adamhess1: The girl I just showed off my Fitbit to thought I was really cool until she saw my heart rate increasing with every second she spoke to me
@BoogTweets: Her: *slaps grilled cheese from my hand* I'm leaving you! Me: *slowly removes emergency grilled cheese from my pocket*