@GingerGander: "Alcohol is just water with feelings in it," said the girl who failed chemistry.
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@WheelTod: I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field
@DamnitJosh: "Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I'm not angry or covered in piss.
@slimmy_shady: "More people are killed by toasters than sharks". So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster, you're in big trouble.