@GingerGander: "Alcohol is just water with feelings in it," said the girl who failed chemistry.
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@samfromks: *Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge* *Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit* *Buys $80 worth of donuts*
@WhaJoTalkinBout: If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently.
@DaddyJew: Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff
@aaroncoal: I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.