@li4mst3w4rt: alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
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@MsCassieDaniels: Disease doesn't care if you are a celebrity, Micheal J. Fox has battled Parkinson for 22 years, and Jamie Lee Curtis is super irregular!
@weinerdog4life: If I was a police sketch artist I would be like "is this the guy?" And they would be like "nope that's a barn" because I can only draw barns
@robfee: I think the Ice Bucket Challenge is a giant waste of water *falls asleep in the shower for 2 hours*
@deadstick_ron: Me : Sorry I'm late. The clocks changing confuses everybody, right? Boss : Ron, it's been 2 years. You emailed me saying you were dead.