@li4mst3w4rt: alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
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@UncleDuke1969: “Son, we have to talk.” “What is it, Dad?” “You were adopted.” “Oh my god… Really?!?” “Yup. Get ready. They’re picking you up in an hour.”
@DaddyJew: Your mom doesn't understand Your dad doesn't understand Your friends don't understand But french fries, french fries understand you
@amjustspencer: Me: will I find true love? Ouji Board: A R E Y O U H U N G R Y Me: dammit grandma not now