@AllTheUglyTruth: Alcohol is photoshop for real life.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it.
@aprilmaywilson: Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it.
@weinerdog4life: Turn your proctologist into a magician by stuffing 45 feet of scarves in your butt.
@Sickayduh: As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot