@torrami: Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bobvulfov: CRIMINAL: *holding me up at gunpoint* do u want to die today motherfucker ME: i mean kinda C: jesus, is everything ok man?
@realHamOnWry: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
@ArfMeasures: [in space] ASTRONAUT: Up here you can have delusions ME: Haha I don't think so A: They can seem real GANDALF: Don't believe him ME: I don't