@madam_daze: Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
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@agathagotstoned: If you walk into a room that's empty except for a clown doll sitting in a chair at a tiny table, you're probably about to be murdered.
@trojansauce: [being held back from my burning house by firemen] get off me you bastar- MY VIN DIESEL BODY PILLOW IS STILL IN THERE
@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.