@madam_daze: Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
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@iGreenMonk: I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad!
@stonedcognition: These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I'm going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.
@bourgeoisalien: [robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going