@madam_daze: Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
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@JiminyKicksIt: I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it 'cuz it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
@KyleMcDowell86: [commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* "There has to be a better way" Narrator:MOPS
@SoVeryBritish: Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan