@madam_daze: Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
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@BlindChow: [drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar] give me another "haven't u had enough?" i'll tell u when i've had enough! *bartender hands me another kitten*
@SondraDeeMe: FB post from HS friend on pic: My boyfriend is such a dreamboat! My comment: So was the Titanic.
@Matt_the_1st: Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:...
@ReneeHooray: Found out a guy I dated was in jail for attempted murder. He never even tried to take me camping, I'm not even good enough to kill.