@uhhhhhoksure: Alexa, make me look good naked.
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@LostFelicia: My husband said when I wear my hair on top of my head, I look like a pineapple or a genie. I told him to pick one fast so I can decide where he sleeps tonight.
@Roxtalled: *stands by cucumbers at grocery store *feels intimidated *hides by baby carrots *gets ego boost
@FatherWithTwins: *co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit "close door" button* *I miss, hit "open door"* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course