@uhhhhhoksure: Alexa, make me look good naked.
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@KeetPotato: doctor: "is there anything that runs in the family?" wife: "hm not really" me: "the dog jogs a lot"
@Rrrrnessa: Next dude that complains about the friendzone will be step-son zoned. I will literally marry your dad and step-son zone you. Try me.
@ArfMeasures: OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there
@sweet_toof: Me: ..and a small sprite. McDonald's Girl: Want a large? All sizes are only $.99 Me: I ASKED FOR SMALL YOU DIABETES PEDDLER ok gimme a large