@Adam14: "Alexander's not so Great" - younger brother, Steve the Ok
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@GhostPanther: Amazing how easily that guy scaled Trump Tower. Thank God u can't get suction cups in Mexico cause then wall idea would be really stupid.
@RunwayDan: I appreciate it when my cats stand around while I clean their litter box. We're like a little road crew: one guy works, three supervise.
@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@pleatedjeans: [blind date] So,where you from? [eyes turn black] T h E S E v E n T H C i R C L e O F H e L L Oh nice. ever miss it? [cries blood] Y e s