@markhoppus: "The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll.

@SamGrittner: The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana.

@ValeeGrrl: My neighbor's 2yo is on my front lawn shouting NO NO NO NO. Not sure what she's protesting but I'm gonna go join her.

@Wtftab: I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families.

@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.