@SamuelHLowe: Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job.
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@bobvulfov: DEODORANT: ugh i hate my job, gotta go in his gross armpit all the time TOILET PAPER: bro
@SortaSarcastic: Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself. If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted sheet I'd like for you to look at.
@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?