@BuckyIsotope: All animals are wild animals if you give them tequila and lift up their t-shirts.
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@TitansHomer: My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone
@ericsshadow: [wife checking on me and the kids] Hello "I called the house, you didn't answer." I went out. "Ok. Well how have they been?" How's who been?
@Elizasoul80: I can't believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk.