@Samzen_: All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women.
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@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
@rachxthompson: me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia
@CaniacMONK: *Works out on rowing machine *Breaks rowing machine *Doesn't know own strength *Buys Doritos to celebrate *Can't open bag
@daemonic3: [CSI at Starbucks] "Ma'am you've been robbed. Suspect is at large." Barista: At what? "At large" At what? "At venti?" OMG HOW AWFUL!!!