@Samzen_: All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women.
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@YWIR: Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile
@stockejock: Fool me once shame on you, Unless you're speaking Spanish, then that's eleven times and I probably deserved it.
@wesjohnson8: When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.
@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.