@PaperWash: [Oreo meeting] What about 'sextuple stuffed' "That's just inappropriate Jeff you're fired" [later googling Sextuple] "Omg that's genius"

@KevinFrisbee: "Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you're terrible at this." - piece of popcorn stuck between teeth.

@matt___nelson: [at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: "what can I get u?" "do u have any eucalyptus?" *restaurant goes quiet*

@thegreatnanak: Me: I gotta find a purpose in life. Later: Blowing a feather trying to keep it in air

@InternetHippo: My favorite restaurant review