@shariv67: All I ask is that when I'm murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.
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@DirtMcTurd: One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together
@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."
@aka_fatman: *Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera* "My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?"
@causticbob: Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?