@joshandbeyond: All I got for Christmas was a sweater, I would've preferred a moaner or a biter.
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@SadMeterologist: -I heard this dog was chipped. -Microchipped sir. -I don't care how small the chip is, I'm not paying full price.
@what_eve_r: my aunt: why u kids always on them phones cant u have a real conversation me: *puts down phone* *crosses legs* why did u melt the ice caps
@gengen874: OMG, he's almost here. How's my hair? My clothes? How do I look? (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.
@sad_tree: *sees guy ordering pizza* "With onion" (Ok) "Sausage" (Nice) "Mushroom" (Hell yea) "Chk" (Plz) "Meatballs" (Why) "Anchovies" (Ur dead to me)