@joshandbeyond: All I got for Christmas was a sweater, I would've preferred a moaner or a biter.
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@Breadery: Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.
@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
@HenpeckedHal: The only downside of hiring a maid is having to thoroughly clean the whole house the night before she comes so she "doesn't think the place is a mess."
@GrantTanaka: me: [tells joke] son: I don't get it me: well ur mom told me a joke once and it took me 9 months to get it