@LindaInDisguise: All I said is that I didn't know whether we were a Marvel or DC family and my husband and kids locked me out of the house.
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@david8hughes: [dentist giving me a filling] Me: guh uh hag a hogreg? Dentist stops: what? Me: do you have a boyfriend?
@4ScoreN20Bowls: It is possible to chew and swallow $80 of shrooms in the length of time it takes the cop to walk from his car to yours.
@Adar79Angie: I'm scared. I have this weird stabby pain in my chest and it really hurts and..Dorito. It was a Dorito in my bra.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.