@ddrwg: All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream.
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@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it.
@Fred_Delicious: "Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge" "Very good sir" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]
@emptyheadtwo: I met a young fashion designer earlier, and it wasn't long before I was in the bedroom ripping her clothes off. I love counterfeiting stuff