@bjfrancypants: "ALL I WANNA DO IS HAVE SEX WITH MINERS!" is the exact wrong way to proclaim your sexual proclivity toward those who excavate coal.
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@edgarrants: I wish my wife's milkshakes brought the boys to the yard. I need someone to rake the leaves.
@envydatropic: Want guests to leave early? Don't give them your WiFi password You're welcome
@KarenKilgariff: FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
@GrowlyGrego: Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you've never been married and you love spending time with him?
@rickolantern: Went to my niece's elementary school field day last week. I won every single event. Every. Single. Event.
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