@OtherDanOBrien: "Dark Side Tech Support."
"Hi. My hand lightning won't work. The hate's flowing thru me, but nada."
"Try turning the hate off & on again."
@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas.
His name was John.
@mereip: *maroon 5 band meeting*
'Songs About Jane' was a massive hit, let's never make anything that sounds like it ever again. do u guys like disco
@secondhand_cake: Just found a $5 bill in the dryer.
-Adds money laundering to criminal resume.
@seamussaid: when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse
COMMENTS