@roxiqt: All I want for Christmas is a domesticated raccoon that wants to eat lasagna with me & go on quirky adventures. It would also be nice if the raccoon could do magic but I understand that is asking a lot and therefore, it is not required.
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@SteveSuckington: "Dad, I'm I want you to move back home rent free" hi I want you to move back home rent free. I'm dad "Ok thanks dad" well shit
@thepaulahunt: I reached down to adjust my left bra cup this morning, lost my grip, and punched myself in the chin.
@badbanana: 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.