@weinerdog4life: All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
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@kwirkyKerri: Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I'm convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.
@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that
@_thatigirl: Asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer.
@JimmerThatisAll: It's raining men because the aliens are returning the abductees in the most compelling way possible.