@girl_a_whirl: All I'm saying is if you've ever seen me put patio furniture covers on, you'd NEVER ask me to put a condom on.
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@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
@eliyudin: "As a side dish to your burrito would you like all the things that are inside the burrito, again?" - Mexican restaurants
@TheAlexP: [At bar] *all sweaty after doing the worm* Me: *out of breath* see anything you like? Her: called 911, thought you were having a seizure.