@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is never ask a bald man if he remembers something off the top of his head.
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@jordan_stratton: COWORKER: Wanna come to my NYE party?! ME: Aww... I would, but I already have plans. MORGAN FREEMAN: He did not have plans.
@dafloydsta: Genie: Sure about this? Me: C'mon do it Genie: It's your last wis- Me: I WANNA BE RICH Genie: Alakazam! Hi Rich, I'm Genie
@GrantTanaka: [leaves note on windshield after accidentally hitting your car] DECEPTICONS DID THIS
@QwertyJones3: [Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say "tackle", not "tickle".