@literally_is_me: All I'm saying is Sesame Street would be a lot more entertaining if Big Bird were a velociraptor.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.
@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda
@qikipedia: In the 1930s, there was an outbreak of exploding trousers in New Zealand. Farmers had used a herbicide that became explosive when it dried.